11/18/24
It's November, and the year is almost over. I am now sitting in a state of stillness. This year has been driven by an intense momentum of change, discovery, and healing. Now, I find myself in an empty, unstructured time that feels almost unbearable. Each month, I shed a new version of myself as I delved deeper into the core of my being and uncovered the forces that have guided my life for so many years. I am now learning that it's okay to just be.
Without the weight of what once defined me, I feel lighter. In theory, this should be a good thing, and it is, but nobody tells you that after trauma work, you discover that a lot of who you were as a person had so much to do with your trauma. Quite literally, you find yourself pulling chunks of yourself away in the name of healing.
I have taken this month to simply relax and get comfortable with this new version of myself. With the new year approaching, I hope to fill the empty spaces within me with things that serve the person I have become.
Wherever your journey takes you, I hope you can move through it with love and compassion for yourselves. I learned to fear love from a young age so much that I couldn’t even express it out loud to my closest friends at the start of this year. But I’ve learned that love has the ability to transform us and sometimes reshape us, breaking us open to allow new growth. So let it in, and let it change you.
I'll be somewhere with my headphones on, resting and waiting for the year to end. Until then, I'll see you around.
My October-nov go-to playlist: